I think I was writing on here for the sake of writing.


Yep.

HOLY CRAP IT'S JULY 1ST!!!
Where has the month of June gone, seriously?

It seems like just last week I went to my interview!

Time, do me a favor and slow the fuck down!

Yay I start school today! Weeeeeeee!

It's a Mon-Wed class from 1pm-3:20pm. Because of that I can only work half shifts (7pm-11) on those days, and unless they schedule it that way I'm not working!

So all you guys have finals this week.  Which means I get more time at work because everyone was taking time off!  WOOOOOOOOO! 

Yay for 36 hour work weeks, Imma be big-pimpin'!

...That was awkward...

So not too much going on, I'll be officially getting my permit renewed on Wednesday, I don't think I need my permit as long as the first time to get my license.  (I had to wait a month at the least)  I need to talk to my brother, he's possibly going to pay for his car to get fixed, and then I'd drive it until he got back.  I'm crossing my fingers this will work out. 

I've slowly turned back into my sloth/glutton-self.  I've gained back the weight I lost, but I'm most certain I can get myself back on the horse.  Yee-haw! 

On a final note--Oooh! I made a funny!
I like candy.

Ok, so this morning I woke up and I noticed my thumb-toe on my right foot was really sore.  No idea why.  Then I fell back to sleep, and had a dream about the pain in my toe.  I woke up again and I thought the pain had subsided.  But I had a good look at it, and it's a little red & swollen and I can't walk normal without extreme pain.

So my question: Have you ever woken up with pain, and were unsure how it got there?
If so where, and what was your conclusion of how it got there?

EDIT: Ok, so I posted this on TQC and for some stupid reason it got moved to my personal blog? WTF?

So I'm sick again.  For crying out loud this is the 2nd time in two months!  My body usually gives me at least 4 months in between!  It's probably because my dad got really sick, and now everyone in the house is sick.

Bleh...I think mine is a sinus cold.  I blew my nose and I did it so hard I "popped" my right ear, twice.

Now all I can think of is that commercial, "Musinex in, Mucus out."  I think they're funny but having that jingle in your head gets annoying after a while. 

I want to go back to sleep, but I work today and I need to shower.  I'm hoping the shower will help the most.

So I've been freaking out for about the past 3 weeks.

I had/have a growth on my cervix. My doctor said it most likely wasn't cancer but still wanted to make sure it was ok.  So I had an ultra sound done.


They called me and said I should schedule an appointment to "discuss" my ultrasound.

I almost pissed my pants.  She's never called me in before, especially for an ultrasound!  Now I kind of, scratch that, I always freak out over stupid shit all the time and this did not help.




Here I'm thinking it's like cancer, or a tumor, or herpes.  IT WAS A FUCKING CYST.  It ruptured and surfaced.  I am prone to cysts, this would be my fifth one I've had since I was 5. 

In order to take care of it Birth Control!

WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T SHE JUST TELL ME OVER THE GODDAMN PHONE?!

Whatever, I'm over it now, and I'm going to eat some pizza and drown in my idiotic sorrows.

So yesterday wasn't bad at work.  6:45am on a Saturday, most people are sleeping.  I could feel my body shutting down during the last few hours so I bought an energy drink.
Here's some math, it's kinda funny:

I'm starting to think I'm one of those girls...most of everything I've written in here has to do with boys!
Oh well--THE SITUATION IS GETTING BETTER!

So, last night I worked and got done a little bit earlier than usual and I was able to get a ride home from Andy because he was picking up Steve. So I got in the front seat and on the way to my house Andy asked, "So are you going to Genicia's party on Saturday?"
"I don't know, I work at 6 in the morning..."
"Well take a nap!"
"It's just that I don't have a ride there or back," I'M SO FUCKING STEALTH!
"Well I could pick you up..."  He's so cute.
"Ok, well should probably exchange numbers," so he gave me his and then I called his phone.

I feel so giggly...now my worry is that he'll get to know me, realize I'm a total spaz and lose interest.  Or is this that whole girl thing of over analyzing things?  Is it possible he's just as if not more nervous than me?

To make things more fun, today:
I didn't know he was going to be working, lovely treat--I would've showered today!  Anywho--so he was listing off all the specials and suggested a brat.  Me being the wonderful girl that I am, spoke without thinking YET AGAIN!  "I don't think I could handle something that big..."  When I realized what I said he busted out laughing. 

God my header is an eye-sore...I think I'll leave it there, it's funny.

Ok, I don't really need boys, just one. 

Not too much has gone on since the whole "Andy" incident at work.  Last week he finally started talking to me.  He's been teasing and laughing at me, which if I remember correctly it's a good sign.

Today I teased back like I normally do, and when he left my older co-worker was confused and asked, "So are you guys dating now?"  I said no of course, and she replied, "You certainly act like you are!"

Now I'm just like...am I really that obvious?  Should be MORE obvious so this kid will at least ask for my number?  Or, fuck, should I just pull one of my random lines on him?  Ooooooh...I don't know how well that would go over....

Let's see what my horoscope has to say about this!
Week of Nov 19, 2007
Concentrate on work on Monday, or risk playing catch-up there all week. On Tuesday and Wednesday, it's friends you want to be catching up with; somebody's got an excellent perspective on your romantic situation, but you'll need time to talk it through. Then, be ready to count your blessings around Thursday, while also knowing what to take with a grain of salt. Interpersonal stuff of all kinds is in the stars now, and you need to be tolerant. But just you wait for this weekend, when romance is definitely the main event. Dang, you look good!
By this weekend I'll have romance? I don't think so, that's seems too fast.  Someone has an excellent perspective on my romantic situation, eh? Who? Someone I work with? A friend? Fuck I'm taking this too seriously, probably because I'm tired.

Anywho: All in all, the more I talk to Andy the more I think he's a dork.  Which is definitely helping in his case.

So yesterday (Wednesday) I was working, and out of no where--I got ambushed.

One of the girls from A&W came over to me and asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?" 
OMFG! My repsonse, "Who are you asking for?"
She wouldn't tell me.  So I was honest and said no, then she left.
A few minutes later she came back over to ask me how old I was, now this is fucking ridiculous.  I told her, but then I asked, do you wanna know my blood type too?
The girl went outside with my co-worker to have a cigarette.  My co-worker teased me and said she knew who it was.
For the next 20 minutes I was told it was 5 different guys.

Needless to say, NIKKI GOT FUCKING AWKWARD... Everyone at A&W was hounding both him and I.  Then I found out it was the guy named Andy.  He's cute, he's blond haired, and blue eyed, and has a beard like squirrel just decided to live on his face.  He also seems kind of dorky or at least shy.

Apparently he had a crush on me the first moment he saw me.  AWKWARD!  For the last half hour of work, I was practically screaming, "WHERE THE FUCK IS MICHAEL MELS?!"  (it was anime club night, so he was picking me up)

Then I explained to him what happened.  Of course, Mike is like, "So do you want to get something from A&W?"  I was like "FINE!" (He's been bugging me about it for a while)  And as we were leaving he was like which one was it?  And I told him like the idiot I am, and  once we got out the door, he started yelling, "Nikki's got a boyfriend!"

I still feel awkward...maybe because he's cute...and he doesn't really know me...and didn't even know the guys name until Wednesday!  Holy crap...Ok I'm done...DONE DOOOOOOONE!

dammit.

So I did get to talk to Jake.  I was able to call him out on his bullshit.  He actually listened, but he also got defensive, but that's expected.  It went smoothly, granted I was crying, but I can honestly say it was the strongest I've felt in a long time.

I'm ok.  I don't want to strangle him anymore--well not as badly as before.

I called Jake a few minutes ago.  I don't know if he'll call back.  It's been almost 3 weeks since I last talked to him.

I need my closure.  Even if I don't say everything, I just need to tell him the one main thing.

Trust.  I put a lot of trust in my friends, and it can easily broken. 

So...I have no idea if I got the job at Pixies.  From the look on her face when the interview was over, it was inconclusive.  So now all I can do is wait for them to possibly call me this week or next. 

It's weird, I got the interview, but they do TWO interviews.  The 2nd interview is to see if they can actually hire me, now my availability totally has my right leg inside the door.  Me being a total flake, might have gotten my left to stay on the other side.

I don't care what the job is anymore I need money. 

Sometimes I think I should just get rid of myspace all together...The only reason why my profile isn't on private is so that people who know me can find me.

But then I get idiots like this sending me emails:

Date: Oct 2, 2007 3:28 PM

I'm Joel, 5'11', very fit with exceptional blue eyes. I own a law firm and enjoy helping the public. From your profile it is obvious that you have an electric personality, that you have a big heart and that you are intelligent. I love traveling, shopping, cooking, music, movies, working out and the outdoors. What do you do for fun? Where would you most like to visit? Do you agree with me that any relationship is based on friendship, communication and honesty? Australia is one of my favorite destinations. You look amazing and I look forward to hearing from you. Your knight in shining armor has arrived. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I don't have a photo posted because my firm advertises on TV. If you love to laugh give me a ring at 517-449-5723. I will satisfy all of your needs and desires.

Umm, WHAT?!
1. He didn't have a picture
2. His profile he only had 4 friends--two were porn stars
3. HE'S FUCKING 36 YEARS OLD WHY THE HELL IS HE EMAILING ME?!

The next guy sent me two messages:
Date: Aug 28, 2007 7:25 PM

hey how u doin ur beaitful u single hun whats going on im brandon im new to cmu but im  lookin to have fun make friends party and have a good time.. haha so yeah id love to get to know u and hang out what u say. write back if ur intrested..

Date: Sep 9, 2007 4:42 PM

hey babe ur a cutie for sure u single hun id love to talk get to klnow u.. u go to cmu cuz i do if so where u stay

There's nothing sexier than an illiterate man...


Some messages in short that I received:
1. There was one from a guy who's Hispanic, and 35 he said I was cute...eww...
2. Another one from a guy who had a girlfriend and a baby...little weird...
3. One that actually wasn't creepy, but I still don't like the idea of meeting people on myspace.
4. I got another one from this chick saying "my friend thinks your hot" and she gave me a link to his "myspace" which I figured was not what it seemed.  I copy and pasted the link into my microsoft word, yeah...it would've taken me to a totally different site...

I should really post these more often, some of them are quite funny!

Shazam!

So, not much going on.  Homecoming was a hoot, though I had to be 21 & sober. *tear*   It's ok, I'm done with the meds on Tuesday.  So come Wednesday after anime club I'll probably drink with the guys. 

Let's see...really not much else going on...I haven't heard from Jake, since the whole "can I come over and have a hug" bullshit.  I'm not letting my guard down too soon.  If he doesn't call me, I'll be amazed!  I should really call him and tell him everything he made me feel.  I just don't want to be the first to break the silence, because then he'll think I'm weak and play more mind games.

Fuck it all.  I'm happy right now, even thinking about him and all he did wrong.  Maybe I'm actually getting over it right now?  Or maybe it's because I haven't heard from him in a while?  Either way it's nice.

So my face hurts, more specifically my chin.  I have a ridiculously large underground zit.  I'm worried it's getting bigger.  Around January 2006, I had one in the same spot, and it was the size of a quarter.  Thinking it was a cyst I went to the doctor and she's like "nope it's a zit, a very large one".  I was put on this perscription face cleaner that made my face so dry, I looked like a reptile. 

I'm still confused, I'm on BC and that has made my face clearer, so why is this gynormous zit making an exception?  *crosses fingers it doesn't get any bigger*

So this weekend is going to be fun, I'll be babysitting.  Not by choice, but I don't mind because I'm only babysitting the girls!  The guys are on their own. 

My doctor is awesome, she goes through to make sure she doesn't miss anything.  Unfortunately that means I'm on antibiotics right now, and thus am not allowed to have alcohol.  Not sure, but I think the mixture of the two would make me vomit.  I'm gonna look it up...Yep that's exactly what it does.  Dammit.  It's homecoming weekend. 

Some good news, my uncle has connections and I got some applications for jobs!  WOOT!  *crossing my fingers I get something good*  They're all on the rez, which I don't mind, but if I get the one at the gas station and Jake finds out he'll be there all the time. 

Oh well, things are starting to look up anyways.

My family and I are known for having some pretty messed up dreams.  (I'm sure everyone has at one point, but we seem to have them all the time)

The main part that I remember is living in this mansion, and it was being demolished by I don't know if they were robots or beasts.  Then me and my family (who are magically white-folks?) took refuge in the basement restrooms. 

There was a lot more to the dream but the reason why this part got my attention was because of how detailed the mansion was, and how large it was.  I've had several dreams with large places and I know my way around them all.  Most of these places my mind made for me have been around since I was a little girl.  I even have one place in particular that I refer to as "my house."

Anywho, so I looked up what that part of my dream could mean:
Mansion: To�see a mansion in your dream, symbolizes your greatest potential and growth. You may feel that your current situation or relationship is in a rut
Demolish: To dream of a demolition, suggests that you are undergoing major changes in your life. You may feel out of control.
Bathroom: To dream that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to "relieve yourself". Alternatively, it may symbolize purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically.
Basement: To dream that you are in a basement, symbolizes your unconscious mind and intuition. The appearance of the basement is an indication of your unconscious state of mind and level of satisfaction.

I'm not really sure what to think of it. 

Lots of things lately have been pointing towards "major changes" and I'm just sitting here like, "really...wtf? Nothing has changed yet?!"  Whether or not it's a good or bad change is beyond me, though I feel like it might be bad one.

Maybe it's what happened with school?  Or how I'm going to sever all ties with Jake?  Maybe some place will finally hire me?  Maybe there's something else wrong with my body?  I need to stop thinking about it so hard...